for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
