"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
