my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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