so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
