He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
