3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
