Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I need to calm my uterus...
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
