i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
