Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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