In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize