I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
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