I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
