Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
