i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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