i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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