i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Randomize