he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize
