I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
