tell your sister to shave her snatch
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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