Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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