I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
