Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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