I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
