I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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