I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
