Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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