i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
