he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize