Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
