I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
