Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
