yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
