Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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