i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Randomize
