she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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