So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
