he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
