The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
