when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize