I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Randomize
