I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
