I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
