She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
FUCK WHALES
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
