So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
did you get engaged???
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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