Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I just forgot I was standing up.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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