i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
