I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Randomize
