I'm so fucking centered right now
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
