i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
