You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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