Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
