well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
