Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
