it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
