Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
