how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
