So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
