Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
