i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
