I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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