I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Farmville is her only friend.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
My ass is underappreciated
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
