As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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