And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
