Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
