Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
