Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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